I. There are
approximately two billion children ( persons under 18 ) in the world.
However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish
or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to
15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference
Bureau).
At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house
hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least
one good child in each.
II. Santa has about 31 hours of
Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the
rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems
logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say
that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around
1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the
chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under
the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the
chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.
Assuming
that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the
earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the
purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per
household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom
stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per
second --- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison,
the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky
27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15
miles per hour.
III. The payload of the sleigh adds another
interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a
medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500
thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional
reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the
"flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't
be done with eight or even nine of them--- Santa would need 360,000 of
them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the
sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the
Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
IV. 600,000 tons
traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance ---
this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft
re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would
absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short,
they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the
reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.
The
entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a
second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his
trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be
subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which
seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by
4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and
reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
I haven’t blogged for awhile. Actually, that’s
a bit of an understatement.
I haven’t blogged in months. Now that the end
of 2007 is finally right around the corner, I thought I’d bid my Xanga a final
farewell. Well, a final farewell for 2007 that is. No more Youtube videos, no
more stupid email forwards. This is actually going to be a real entry. I can’t
guarantee that it’s going to much good though.
Well I guess the only question I have to answer
so far concerns the six month ‘blog drought’. Well to put it simply, I’ve been
really, really, really lazy. My laziness is the main cause of blog crapness. I figured the easy way out would be to copy and paste some things I
found off forums (i.e. that 90’s kid list thing) or Youtube videos (Virtual Haircut
lol). And for a moment, I thought it’d suffice. Soon enough, I stopped blogging
entirely…which leads us now to this very moment.
The end of 2007…
A big year for some. An insignificant year for
others. Personally, it was probably one of the more memorable ones (It’s up
there with Year 10, 2006).
Who can forget trying on that fresh blue senior
shirt on the first day of year 11? I’m pretty sure most people would have been
excited, to some extent, about the new shirt colour. The amount of authority it
commanded was actually pretty empowering. Teachers actually started respecting
you more, Mr Cutler actually started respecting you more and ‘free periods’
were a vacation from the daily grind. Things were finally starting to look up.
Then reality sunk in and I realized that Year
11 assessments sucked…
Schoolwork aside, 2007 threw new people at me
left, right and centre. I guess 2007 was the perfect year for making some new
mates. It’s a shame that you can’t keep in touch with all of them though.
C.I.A…I haven’t really been keeping in touch with you guys much. It’s been really good seeing some of you again.
Chances are I probably won’t see most of you before the fireworks go off today.
Thanks for making me look forward to Friday nights…they will be sorely missed
(as will the Eno challenge: Claude lol) I hope you guys got as much out of the
year as I did. Hoping to see all of you soon in 2008.
Carlo people… At the cost of sounding
horrendously cheesy…you’ve all made school worth going to. Thanks for the
entertaining free periods and the in-class chats about ‘who knows what’.
Lastly, 2008 wouldn’t have been bearable if it
wasn’t for JBCH. Honestly, thank you brothers and sisters for the help, support
and advice that you’ve given me.
Well, I’m not really sure what else to say at
the moment. I guess all that’s left is to say goodbye to 2007.
Just a short entry before I get back into cramming for the maths test tomorrow. Just had to post this video up. Anyways, I'll try and blog soon...in the mean time just watch the video.
This is just a quick entry until the next time I "actually" blog. I saw this on a guys blog when I was going around xanga and thought i'd post it up on my blog as well. I'm sure that when you read this, you'll be smiling (and laughing) as much as I was.
Growing up in the 90's
You watched the ABC more than any other station. Those days are long gone.
You made worms by squeezing your Vegemite or peanut butter crackers together.
The best parties always had fairy bread.
The Waugh twins. Go! Aussie! Go!
The Spice Girls and GIRL POWER!
Super League almost ruining rugby league in Australia.
Getting the Easter Show guide from the paper and circling all the show bags you wanted.
You thought everyone in America carried a gun and you never wanted to go there because you were were scared you'd get shot.
Blinky Bill, Sesame Street and Spot.
You always used to see that dried out, white dog poo on the footpath. You never see that anymore.
SuperTed, Widget The World Watcher and Samurai Pizza Cats.
Going to the Easter Show with a big group of friends from school once you were old enough to go without Mum and Dad.
Doing research for school projects by going to the library or looking up an encyclopaedia rather than using the internet.
Brian Henderson and Richard Morecroft reading the news.
Paul Keating was some guy that ran the country and John Howard became the only PM you really ever knew because you were too young to care before that.
Banana Man, Bangers and Mash and The Raggy Dolls.
Game Boy.
Waking up early everyday to watch Agro’s Cartoon Connection or Cheez TV.
Hey Hey It’s Saturday.
Everyone got the Coke bag at the Easter Show and it was only $10.
Buying those 6 packs of Coco Pops, Fruit Loops, Frosties, Rice Bubbles, Nutri-Grain and Corn Flakes so you could have a different one each day and then opening the packets really carefully and removing the cereal so you'd have a mini wardrobe afterwards. You also most probably just let your parents eat the Corn Flakes.
Trying to make the Rainbow Road shortcut on Mario Kart 64.
Postman Pat, Fireman Sam and Lift Off (that show with the dirty, blind doll named EC).
Playing GoldenEye on the Nintendo 64 and arguing over whether Oddjob was allowed to be used in multiplayer.
The original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Super International Cricket on the SNES.
Arguing over which was better – Nintendo 64 or PlayStation.
Don’t push me, push a push pop!
Nobody made not jokes... NOT!!
Bathurst stopped being Holden vs. Ford and all those European cars came in until they came to their senses.
Who shot Mr Burns?
Watching Captain Planet and then driving your parents mad by always singing the song.
That's so funny, I forgot to laugh.
WWE was WWF and they actually had cool wrestlers like The Rock, Mankind and Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Playing Gran Turismo and MGS on PlayStation.
Roller coasters at Wonderland, Sydney.
You decorated your room with glow-in-the-dark stickers.
SBS didn’t have any ads. Not that you ever watched it anyway, except maybe for softcore porn.
You played marbles and could name all the different types like blue moon, oily, candy, red wine, galaxy and red devil. You never played anyone for your god marble.
Feeling sad when your Tamagotchi died.
Singing a ram sam sam, a ram sam sam, guli guli guli guli guli, ram sam sam, a rafi, a rafi, guli guli guli guli guli ram sam sam.
Seeing a small rack of DVDs in the video store and wondering if anyone ever rented them.
Dolly the sheep.
Getting up early to watch the Rage Top 50.
Friends when they were all actually just friends. Why didn't Phoebe and Joey get together?
Sonic the Hedgehog.
Watching The Simpsons back when it was funny, every night on Channel 10.
Power Rangers becoming cooler than the Ninja Turtles, even though the Turtles will always be cooler.
Watching South Park for the first time and being really excited by all the swearing.
Watching Hercules and then being disappointed when Xena Warrior Princess replaced it. Nobody was cooler than Herc.
Blowing on the Nintendo cartridge before putting it in the console to make sure it worked properly.
Smell the cheese.
Vulcan, Tower, Flame... Australian Gladiators.
Playing Mortal Kombat and trying to do a fatality but just ending up punching accidentally.
Pokemon! Gotta catch ‘em all!
Watching Hey Dad! and then seeing little Arthur McArthur go on to star in that famous Sorbent ad.
Full Frontal, not Comedy Inc.
Wolfenstein, Doom and Duke Nukem.
Downloading music from Napster.
Chatting with your buddies on ICQ.
Going to see Titanic.
And the winner is… Sydney.
Mighty Max and Polly Pocket. Max and Polly always got lost because they were so bloody small.
Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.
Waiting for Tony “Plugger” Lockett to break that record.
Australia didn’t always win the cricket.
The Socceroos couldn’t qualify for the World Cup.
John Eales captained the Wallabies and we won the World Cup.
Ray Martin hosted A Current Affair.
Zoopa Doopa ice blocks were only 20c and if you couldn’t afford it, you asked the canteen lady to cut it in half so you could split it with a friend.
Listening to boy bands like Human Nature and girl bands like Girlfriend.
Barbie, not Bratz.
Happy Meals were only $2.95 and the toys were simple but actually good.
Person 1: Who farted!? Person 2: Whoever smelt it, dealt it! Person 1: Whoever made the rhyme, commited the crime!
Brad Fittler was the best in the world.
Thorpe won lots of gold medals and wasn’t so gay.
Opposite day.
We all loved Pat Rafter and almost cried when he lost to Goran Ivanisevic because our Pat deserved that title more than anyone. Definitely more than Hewitt ever did.
Playing tackle Bull Rush at lunchtime and having tackling banned. You had to resort to grab 1-2-3 or tip. Same goes for footy.
Giving a friend a backage in the canteen line. If it was your best friend, you gave them a frontage.
Pogs and Looney Tunes Tazos.
Nobody won Wimbledon unless their name was Pete Sampras.
You ate Smarties instead of M&M’s.
You tried Dr. Pepper and hated it.
Service stations didn’t need space for 4 digits on their petrol prices signs.
Girl germs! Boy germs!
Goosebumps.
You had to actually call your friends rather than send them an SMS.
Hubba Bubba.
Wearing a Chicago Bulls T-shirt or cap. Wearing the cap backwards.
Arguing over who got to be Warnie in backyard cricket. Six and out!
Paul Jennings’ Gizmo books.
Matchbox cars.
The feeling of wonder you got, the first time you were able to see the image in one of those Magic Eye 3D pictures.
The Secret World of Alex Mack.
Talk to the hand!
Johnson and Friends, Noddy and Humphrey B. Bear.
You wished you had enough Lego to build those amazing cities they displayed in the brochures.
Collecting Yowie toys. Aussie wildlife was way cooler than any stupid Kinder Surprise toy.
Playing truth or dare with your secret crush.
Mark Taylor equalling Don Bradman's record.
Slap bracelets.
Jurassic Park and those toy dinosaurs where you could pull a piece of the skin out to see its insides.
Roger Ramjet, he’s our man, hero of our nation.
We had paper money.
Good on ya Mum! Tip Top’s the one!
You could buy more than enough food from the school canteen for only $2.
Begging your parents to go to McDonald’s for dinner.
Rocko’s Modern Life, Rugrats and Hey Arnold!
Noni, Monica and that bald guy named George on Play School.
Going to World 4 Kids to look at all the toys.
Watching The Lion King and feeling Simba’s pain when Mufasa died. Disney just doesn’t make them like that anymore.
Soft serve cones were only 30c and they never tried to up-sell a Flake because they didn’t have it.
Wanting a Brain or Silver Bullet during the yo-yo craze.
Nesquik without the Nes.
Troll Dolls.
The Kids' Works at Pizza Hut with unlimited drink refills. You made an ice cream mountain covered in choc chips and marshmallows and could never finish it.
Thomas the Tank Engine and TUGS.
Ba-na-na-na-na! Ba-na-na-na-na! Make those bodies sing!
You had to get your photos developed.
Your family didn’t own a 4WD unless it was a real one like a Land Cruiser or Patrol. Range Rovers were tough and nobody thought BMW would make a 4WD, let alone Porsche.
Street Sharks and Biker Mice From Mars
Competing with your friends to see who could eat the most sour Warheads in one go.
The Channel 9 logo had dots next to it and the Channel 7 logo wasn’t a folded piece of paper.
No Hat, no play.
Dr. Dreadful Food Labs. Kids these days wouldn't be allowed that because its not healthy enough. We didn't give a shit about our health in the 90's.
High five! Up high, down low, too slow!
Watching Round the Twist and getting pissed off that the actors kept on changing. You still loved it though.
Cheating in Heads Down, Thumbs Up.
Watching that game show called Vidiot. Game shows didn't have to be educational back then, like That's Academic... that show sucks.
Collecting basketball cards, whether you followed basketball or not.
You always wished your parents had bought you a bigger Super Soaker for Christmas. Christmas is hot in Australia... the more water, the better.
Collecting hundreds of tickets from Timezone just so you could trade them for some crappy prize that you could have bought from Woolies for ten bucks.
Healthy Harold day was the best because you got to miss class to sit in a tiny caravan and listen to a talking giraffe.
Playing handball with Ace, King, Queen and Dunce and making up stupid rules as you went along.
Skipping ropes and Jump Rope for Heart Day.
A*mazing.
The Ferals. Rattus, Modigliana, Derryn and Mixy were cool until they started that five minute piece of crap, Feral TV.
